12.30.2004
the second hand will catch us ,like it always does
dear diary;
last night i had a bad night. i ended up freaking crying myself to sleep. i dont know my dad just really got to me. he yelled at me for some stupid little thing that had to do with my sister & it just bugged me because i hate it when he yells at me it just bleh i dont know. then later i was just talking to michelley on the phone & he came into my room & just slammed down the package i got on my bed & was muttering something under his breath on his way out. i know it had to do with me because he gave me the eye. godd i just hate how things are going with my dad right now. he has a lot of pent up anger inside because he just doesnt know how to talk to me about it. i know hes probably still mad at me & i dont blame him. but i wish he would just come to me & talk to me about it instead of just keeping all his emotions inside. it bugs me that i cant even go to him to talk because im ferking scared.
but hey i guess life isnt easy. i have a big barrier between me & my parents. we've always had the problem with lack of communication. they've never approached me about anything or confronted me. they would just go behind my back assuming that somethings going on or whatever. why cant they just come straight to me & ask me? then they wouldnt have to assume & start thinking of all the possible things that might be going on. bleh i just hate that. its my fault too though because i dont go to them to talk about stuff. i just dont feel comfortable because they havent opened up to me. so i get nervous & scared to talk to them.
i want things to change so i can just be open with them. i dont want to hide anything from my parents. i dont want to lie to them anymore. i really need to talk to my dad for one thing. so i guess im just going to write him a letter saying we need to talk because i dont feel comfortable enough to go up to him & just start talking. i just want my freedom & a better relationship with my parents to start off the new years.
--10:19 AM
♥naevon