06.20.2005
split.
dear diary;
so yesterday was cleaning day. i just needed to do something to get my mind off things. i really missed him yesterday. i miss talking to him, i miss that friendship we had. i still feel the connection with him even though we havent talked in a while. i just yea. i dont know. i just miss him. =/ i dont know what the future holds but im keeping my head up and hoping for good things to happen..as i said before if we get another chance, i dont want to screw up. i want to do things right for once and not hurt him. i want to be everything that he wants. and i just want him to know that im still and always will be here for him no matter what and i still care about him alot. these arent just words, i know its hard to believe now, but i want him to know that its all from the heart.
my sources of happiness lately have been my friends and family. theyve been keeping me sane. i think thats why ive been okay lately. part of me feels like im hiding and just putting up a front but part of me is telling me no, youre not, you really are okay, just stay positive and you'll be fine. i dont know what to believe. but for the most part i want to say that im ok.
so im finally really appreciating my parents. yes im lucky because i have parents who care about me and love me. lately everything with them has been good. im really lucky to have them and i really dont know where i would be without them. my dads been so patient with me and i thank him for that. my mom has been really understanding and i thank her for that. i really dont want to mess up again because i dont know if my parents could take it anymore. they both have been really patient and are really trying to understand where im coming from and trying hard to cope with the fact that im growing up. we're talking and everything is good. as much as i cant wait to go to college and be on my own, i'll miss them. i wish i couldve had a better relationship with them in the beginning because maybe i wouldnt be where i am now. but hey better late than never. thanks mom and dad. i love you.
--6:14 PM
♥naevon