06.22.2005
numb.
dear diary;
so last night i had some wierd "lets go write" moment. which is random because i cant write to save my life. hah but stuff just came out. and yea. i was sitting outside for a long time yesterday just thinking and listening to music. it was very relaxing. i loved it. i need more days like that. i love having a balcony in my room. its like my little get away from everything else going on in the house.
so im numb..to pain that is. i guess thats a way i could describe how im feeling right now. i really dont know. im not sure if im just internalizing all these feelings but then again what feelings are they? im scared that i just convinced myself into thinking that i am okay and good and im moving on but then one day its just going to all come and hit me. then that would be bad. thats what im scared of. i dont want that to happen. eh im just getting by now. im happy with all my friends. they are being awesome. and i couldnt ask for more. relationships with everyone is great (= life is pretty good. everythings finally coming together. but theres still that part inside of me doubting all this good stuff happening. eh i guess im happy these days because of the optomist indside of me. i havent let that pessimistic side come out yet. hah. and im not planning on letting that side out. im going to be a happy person and be positive. lifes too short to be down and depressed all the time. so live life, no worries. (hm i feel so bipolar right now. hah)im still missing that friendship. but hey these things take time and patience. and patience is a new thing im trying out. been pretty good at it so far. :p
im like a basket of emotions. take your pick. but be careful because you never know what youre going to get.
--6:47 PM
♥naevon