07.14.2005
its so close, but we're so far away.
dear diary;
so ive been real down these past few days and honestly i dont know why. hormones? pms? or is it just because i feel lonely. i dunno i just get real lonely when im home. even though i get to talk to my best friends i still get lonely. eh i hate feeling so alone. =/ it sucks. the thing with me is i need to be busy and doing stuff so i dont get bored and so i dont start thinking about things. thats why lately ive been taking walks alone. i read in the park when i get real bored. i really cant stay inside for too long if im by myself because it just drives me nuts. i love being outdoors anyways. ehh yea ive just been really ehh lately but hopefully i'll get over it soon. once i get to go out i'll be fine. i think i just need some cheering up. a day out with the losers should do it :p
so today was fun. i started working at st francis. i had my little "training day" and i talked to rosalyn, whos real sweet. saw some hott volunteer walking around but didnt get to talk to him because he was busy with his shit. ahhh well next time. volunteering at places is a good way to meet people ;p
so as i was telling chelle the other day i wanna like someone. i miss that feeling of having a crush. i dunno its you know that feeling. haha i cant explain it because its that feeling, ya dig? arrite you should. lol so yea i dunno i just wanna like someone. any takers? haha jk naevon does not work like that. unlike some people. whatever i'll find someone or maybe someone will just come my way when im not even looking. haha cuz you know it always seems to work like that. the single life is good (: but having someone is fun too but hey im not really into the whole relationship mode right now. im happy by myself. as long as ive got my friends and familia im good :p i love ya'll to pieces.
okay so im still a little spiteful and bitter towards someone and im feeling some hateful or strong dislike-ful feelings. yea i dunno im pretty over everything but you know theres still that tiny part of me that wont ever be over it. theres still and always will be that tiny part of me that likes him. and there will always be that tiny piece of him with me. yeaaa. part of me is wondering tho, has he really moved on? or is he just fronting. i dunno i dont wanna get into it really cuz im just gonna get sad and then start thinking too much. so im just gonna move onto another topic. one more thing, so as each day passes my feelings for him become less and less. i guess this is a part of the whole moving on process, right? but then somedays everything just comes back and hits me smack in the face and then the next day its like magic, poof! and its gone, again and then the whole thing starts over. i blame hormones+emotions. haha yea the regular stuff.
so life has been damn good to me. i cant be anymore thankful for everythings thats happening. its just so weird how things turn out. you seriously never really know whats in store for you until something happens. its sad to say that because of certain events my life has gotten better. much better than i expected. i get along with the parents pretty well now. i mean they still get on my nerves but its better. i love them for trying and being so patient with me. i know theyre still doubtful but im trying my best to prove them wrong. i'm seriously changing my ways and being more responsible about things. i want that trust back from them and im gonna earn it the right way. i dont want to be a screw up anymore. and yea now when i say im going to do something, i DO IT.
arrite kidds thats enough blogging for me. i could go on about more but im honestly tired of typing. haha goodbye loves.
--3:19 PM
♥naevon